Are you investing enough in your child's future? It's a question most parents start asking themselves not long after their little bundle of joy enters this world.
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Investing in one's the future doesn't always have to mean contributing to a retirement plan or an IRA. As a parent, investing in your children is a lifelong process with the goal of a well rounded, productive and independent young human being.
We all know that raising kids is expensive starting with boxes and boxes of diapers, baby gear and Onsies to feeding that growing teen who is always hungry! Aside from investing in and meeting your child's physical needs, have you ever considered the many ways we can invest in our children that won't require you to pull out your wallet or use your credit card but are still just as important?
Investing In Your Child's Independence
Beginning with those young toddler years, investing in your child's independence is how we help our children become socially successful. The goal of this investment or the "long term gain" is to help our kids establish a skill set that promotes their ability to work independently, interact appropriately with others and be competent problem solvers.
How do you invest in your child's independence?
It starts with the right tools, the most important being consistent parental discipline.
I know we all shudder at the word "discipline" but when we look at discipline as a way to love your child it takes on a much more positive connotation. Established and consistent discipline of setting boundaries and sticking to them helps foster your child's ability to learn self-discipline. Well established boundaries introduced to your child from the get-go are important so children know where the lines are so they can begin to practice staying inside them.
I know we all shudder at the word "discipline" but when we look at discipline as a way to love your child it takes on a much more positive connotation. Established and consistent discipline of setting boundaries and sticking to them helps foster your child's ability to learn self-discipline. Well established boundaries introduced to your child from the get-go are important so children know where the lines are so they can begin to practice staying inside them.
Innocent childish behavior left unchecked could lead to future behavioral issues that are much more difficult to fix as you work to help your child break these bad habits. Consistency is key even on those tough days when you're exhausted and running on fumes!
Let me give you a real life example of what this looks like. My second oldest daughter became a "biter" when she got frustrated or angry. She was only two and a half /three years old and understandably difficult situations frustrated her so she lashed out by biting others. Obviously we couldn't let her keep doing this and had to put a stop to it immediately (for the safety of all of us!). Of course I could have just yelled at her or put her in time out every time she acted out but that would have left her "tool box" empty for the next difficult situation that arose. Instead, realizing her biting was a symptom of her frustrations I used her time out as a chance to sit with her (after she calmed down) and talk about how to act in difficult situations - filling up her "tool box" with "tools".
Tools For Your Child's Tool Box - Independence
I didn't expect perfection however I did expect her to start trying out the new tool she had acquired. After many more time out sessions (the consistent discipline part) and discussion of how to behave and what to say (using her tools) I started to see a change. Self discipline was kicking in and her ability to control herself in a difficult situation improved. This was one small step towards independence. The investment was beginning to pay off!
This may seem like a small step but teaching your child how to be self controlled and communicate effectively will serve them well the rest of their lives. Investing in your child's independence is an accumulation of small baby steps that add up over time. It is a lot of hard work but the future rewards are well worth it!
Investing in Your Child's Creativity
As a parent understanding these six skills or resources and how to help foster creativity in your child is another great way to invest in your child. Helping your child develop an attitude toward life that fosters a willingness to blaze their own path is the start to helping them embrace creativity.
Tools for Your Child's Tool Box - Creativity
The skill to see challenges in a new way, to determine which new ideas are worth pursuing and which are not and to be able to communicate the value of an idea in a convincing way, all help grow creativity in your child.
As a parent you can foster the growth of this skill through meaningful conversations with your child such as:
- Can you give me an example of that?
- I disagree/agree with ____ because...
- Are there any other ideas or thoughts you have about ____?
- What you are saying is...
2. KNOWLEDGE
What we know and how much we know can be helpful or a barrier to our creativity. Too much past knowledge about something can result in a closed and unchanging perspective however, the opposite is true for someone with little to no knowledge of a field.
Addressing this skill through parenting requires us to ask our children if they are willing to make a decision to move beyond what they already know with the goal of learning more as well as helping them draw upon and use their past knowledge. How do you do this? Encourage your child to keep learning (beyond their next text), read a variety of books and to spend time talking to people asking them questions about their life experiences.
3. STYLES OF THINKING
Overall, our styles of thinking are the preferred ways we choose to use the skills we have available to us. Encouraging your child to think through things and look at challenges and think through them in a new way is one way to hone their ability to think creatively. Sternberg uses the term "a legislative style" since it requires:
- a preference for thinking through things
- a decision to think in new ways
- a decision to think globally as well as locally (look at the big picture)
- a decision to value creativity
As a parent challenge your child to think "outside the box" as new experiences or problems arise. Give them room to fail and try again so that they practice this skill.
4. PERSONALITY
Personality plays a big part in one's creative functioning. Personality attributes like the willingness to overcome obstacles, willingness to take sensible risks, willingness to tolerate ambiguity and the ability to get a job done satisfactorily all support creativity.
A child who thinks in a way that appears to be defying the crowd or going against traditional conventions might just be trying to exercise their creativity. Giving your child room to let their personality shine will help them grow their creativity. If your child is hesitant, you can help generate these opportunities by having your child participate in the next age group of a sport or activity, or for an older child encourage them to make purchases or returns from a store on their own. Sometimes a little extra challenge is all they need in order to exercise those personality attributes.
5. MOTIVATION
Have you ever done something you loved so much it didn't even feel like work to you? We all know that not everything we do will feel this way but finding something, even just one thing to be interested in can help keep you motivated. According to Sternberg, motivation is not something inherent in a person therefore we have to find a way to make a task or a job/chore interesting to us.
Creative work is rarely done in an area where we don't love what we are doing!
Sometimes we have to get creative to be more creative. Finding a new angle on the task to make it appealing rather than boring is a great way a parent can help their child stay motivated.
Here is an example I used with my children. My oldest son hates to write. He will avoid it at all costs if possible. On the other hand he LOVES sports and will do anything he can to play it, watch it and talk about it. In an effort to motivate him to write I had to get creative to help him become more creative (and motivated) with writing. I did this by "hiring" him as our family's official sports reporter. His job is to write a weekly sports article telling his readers (his family) about the game (any game he chooses) and to give a "live" update of the game's highlights. Because he loves sports so much he doesn't seem to mind writing as much as he used to when the topic was something he wasn't at all interested in - in fact he tends to write more so that his readers get the whole story! Plus using his "sports reporter's voice" is fun for him and our entire family!
6. ENVIRONMENT
Kids (and parents) need an environment that is supportive and rewarding of creative ideas. We all love a pat on the back when we do something we think is of value. Positive feedback, and sometimes negative feedback, can help your child grow in their creativity.
Encouraging your child to try new things and rewarding them or applauding their efforts are ways you can provide your child with the right environment that fosters creativity. For all of my children, showcasing their artwork, essays or other creative projects in a special place in our house is important to them. It is a non-verbal way to give them feedback. I even have had some of their artwork professionally framed and hung on the walls of our house.
Investing in Your Child's Work Ethic
Doing the job right the first time and on time are all important factors of instilling a good work ethic in your child.
Start when they are young so the investment in their work ethic today pays off in their future pursuits.
Tools for Your Child's Tool Box - Work Ethic
Working side by side together on projects like planting a garden, fixing something that is broken or building something can provide an opportunity for your child to experience helping you work and seeing you work hard on a task.
My youngest son is a work horse when it comes to home repair/fix-it projects. When he was 5 years old our mailbox post needed to be repainted and he asked if he could do it. He had been watching me stain our deck in the hot sun and understood the mechanics of painting and he thought he was ready to tackle a project of his own. After giving him a small can of paint and a paint brush he started painting the mailbox post.
It was a very hot day which made it hard to work outside in and I expected him to give up after five minutes in the scorching heat but, to my surprise he kept working. About an hour later this little guy, dripping in sweat and covered in splatters of paint, finished the project without complaint!
After he was done I asked him why he kept going even though it was so hot out and took so long. He said "Mom, you did it so I knew I could do it." He watched me work hard on painting the deck so he knew what kind of work ethic it would take for him to paint his project.
Teaching your child to value time and respect other's time is a valuable work ethic lesson too. My high school band director always said "To be early is to be on time. To be on time is to be late."
As a teen I learned that in most situations, like band class, showing up a few minutes early allowed me to get ready physically and mentally to start class so that my time and my director's time wasn't wasted.
Teach your teen to value time so that they are ready to go and respectful to other's time too.
Investing In Your Child's Future
This seemingly simple challenge is a reminder that investing in our children's future at a young age can and will have a global impact. It is also a great challenge to encourage your child to focus on other people rather than themselves and to have a heart of generosity so they can give back to others.
College or a trade school is not the end of their future. Remembering that your investing in their lifelong future and teaching your children how to be a productive member of the community is important.
Tools for Your Child's Tool Box - Their Future
Investing time and encouraging them to get involved in the community not only helps them gain valuable experience but helps develop soft skills like communication, teamwork and problem solving.
You know your child best so helping them navigate the best tests to take for college admissions, selecting the right school and finding scholarships that fit their talents are all great ways you can invest in your child's future.
Investment Assessment
I encourage you today to take an assessment of these "non financial" investments and see where you need to make a deposit in your child's life. The future payout is worth it!
Sternberg, Robert J.(2006) 'The Nature of Creativity', Creativity Research Journal, 18: 1, 87 — 98
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